Living with REM Behavior Disorder

I am a 40 year old male who has been living with Rem sleep disorder for approaching 3 years. My specialist says it is the worst case he has seen in 14 years and probably the worst in the country.

The illness is a living nightmare for myself but especially my wife.

I have always been a gentle person but soon after I moved into my first house with my then girlfriend and her 2 children in Jan 07 the episodes started. It has to be daid that I do not have a single memory of anything that has happened and rely 100% on my wife telling me what goes on.

My wife started telling me that i was being abusive to her in the night, shouting and hitting and a couple of times having sex with her without my knowledge. To be honest i doubted my partner at first as i had no recall of events and i thought i was as sane as the next person. I have had no sleep problems before except as a baby when i had to be drugged to sleep.

Sometimes my wife woke up in the morning and would be furious with me and once punched me in the face and broke my nose! She tried to tell me something was wrong but could not get through to me and I am sure because of the night time violence was a little scared of me.

In August 07 after a bizarre night time incident I realised something was not quite right however niether of us had a clue what it could be. Up to that time she thought I was a horrible violent man and i thought she was a paranoid person! Life was not easy.
We tried to seek medical help and had to see 3 GP’s before one of them said she knew a what it might be and referred me to a specialist. It was a relief to be told I was not mental and there was indeed an illness that it could be. I was given clomazipan but it did not help.

I must admit to being deeply let down by the NHS because after 2 years we are still no further forward.

Some of the things I have done in my sleep include; raping my wife at least 50 times, abusing her physically and verbally, throwing thousands of pounds of jewellery and goods out the hous so they are lost forever, stabbing a friend who came to the aid of my wife and children one night, eating my own feaces in my sleep, masturbating violently so it makes my penis bleed and is almost ripped from my body, trying to strangle myself with cords attempting to kill myself (my wife saved my life).

I have even driven the car after loading it up with household possessions and driven back with the car empty!

One night in 2007 the attack on my wife was so bad that my stepson called the police as he thought I was going to kill her. Since then I have had the police and social services on our backs resulting in e being removed from my house by the court.

My wife and I love each other so much but have had to split up because she cannot take any more. The guilt I live with is unbearable and the illness consumes every second of evey day.

It is not an easy illness to talk about because of the events that have happened. I now take melatonin from america and clomazapan together but it still is hit and miss. For 18 months I had to sleep tied to the bed with 6 straps which slowed me down but didnt stop me. I also slept in the car one winter but that ended when during my sleep i smashed up my hieghbours car with a brick!

i can honestly say that this is pure hell. No help from the NHS, Police and social services out to get me all the time and my family that I have hurt so much that they have left me.

Even though my illness is diagnosed I see no help on the horizon and I want to spend the rest of my life trying to help my wife and kids recover from thier ordeal, thier only crime was loving me.

Before my illness I had a $70k a year job, best wife and kids an the world and a fab home. Now I have nothing with no sign of help anywhere.

However i have learnt some things about this illness and if i can help anyone then please contact me and i will pass on any experience that helps you.

Believe it or not i have left out the worst things I have done because I have to come to terms with them first.