Living with Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome

I cannot tell you how amazing it has been reading everyone’s posts (i started tearing up a couple posts in). i have been told repeatedly by friends and family members since i was young that any sort of sleeping disorder i have is all in my head. Even when I was young, I would fight with my parents to let me stay up at night because I would stare at the ceiling for hours. Waking up in the morning, even at 5 or 6, was incredibly difficult and I hated the world for a good 30 minutes after waking up at that point in time. My sisters wouldn’t be in the same room with me then because I could be so nasty. The older I got, the worse it got. I could not fall asleep before 4 am in high school, even if I did not sleep the night before.

Naps were my saving grace. My dad would have to wake me up since I slept through 2 alarm clocks consistently and I would never even remember the first time he came into my room. At some point in high school, not only was I in a terrible mood for a good portion of the morning, I became confused and unable to function normally. I always tried to make sure my 1st period class was something easy, since I did not test as well then. Even at that point in time, it didn’t occur to me that my sleeping patterns were THAT weird and it was kind of a joke in my family. then i went to college (i am a junior at an ivy league university now) and it became a huge problem.

i would sleep through 8 alarm clocks, i missed classes, if i was in class i’d fall asleep uncontrollably. i worked at a law firm over the summer and some days i just overslept. during sophomore year of college, i lived with a roommate for the first time, who was shocked by my ability to sleep through anything, so she became my alarm clock, but i developed the ability to lie in my sleep (i don’t have any recollection of when i do this either) and tell her class was canceled and i didn’t have to go or pick up my cell phone (while sleeping) if she was not in my room and was calling to make sure i was up.

i also could not stay awake in class once i was there. i self-medicated myself with uppers to get myself to focus in the morning so i could haul myself out of bed and go to class, as well as stay awake for it. however, it did not solve my problems when i should go to sleep when i was overtired and couldnt’ sleep early, so i’ve abused alcohol to go to sleep at night. but when i know i have to wake up early in the morning for something important, i’ve been too scared to go to sleep now since i have no control over when i wake up (and i live in a single, so no one is there to wake me up).

i’ve been told my my friends and my sisters that its my laziness and my bad habits and lack of discipline that make me struggle with obtaining a normal sleeping schedule (and despite sleeping through so many classes, i still have maintained a better GPA than people who criticized me for my laziness and said i was making up excuses for my problems). on the flip side, my parents and professors have told me that i am overextending myself and i simply can’t deprive myself of sleep, and it has nothing to do with a sleeping disorder.

i read this forum, which i stumbled upon researching sleeping disorders pissed off this mornign (which was about 1 pm for me) because mornings suck and i read every single post. every single person has struggled with the same things i have and it is honestly the most relieving and comforting thing to know that i’m not responsible for my inability to wake up to any alarm. thank you to everyone for sharing their stories